


An Animal's Character

by Coymoonrising



Series: Remus Lupin Drabbles [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Marauders, Moony - Freeform, Padfoot - Freeform, Prongs - Freeform, Wormtail - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coymoonrising/pseuds/Coymoonrising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Marauders have begun studying the Patronus Charm, and Remus isn't sure he's ready to face that part of himself. Everything in his life is tainted by what he is. Everything wolfish disgusts him. What if his animal is tainted, too? What if the only thing he will ever be is a wolf?</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Animal's Character

Watching the moonrise, Remus Lupin chewed the tip of his quill a little longer than was recommended. He made a face, pulling a clump of black from his tongue to the ringing laughter of his three closest mates.

“If you think about it too long, it’s not sincere,” James said. His cheeks were tinted red from so much laughter, and his glasses were dangling from one ear as he wiped his eyes.

“Just go with your gut,” Peter added. “Your first instinct.”

“I don’t know!” Remus shrugged, his brows lost in the sea of fringe as he defended himself. “What does it matter? We’ll find out soon enough as it is.”

“I bet you I know mine,” Sirius grinned, brushing his hair back with a hand. He cast a teasing look across to the three of them, teeth restraining his tongue. “I bet you I know all of yours. Well, except you, Moony.”

Remus brushed him off, but he was curious. “What makes you so sure? The only things I know you to be sure of are your own name and the number of times you’ve insulted Snape. And the first one is temporary, at best.”

The others sniggered, but Sirius would not be dissuaded. “I’m telling you: my patronus is a dog. James, you’re a stag, and Peter? Definitely a cross between a Norwegian Ridgeback and a rat, but I’m leaning towards the latter.”

“Our animagus forms?” James rolled his eyes, and his crooked lenses gave a dangerous wobble. “How predictable.”

“Why wouldn’t it be? Whatever animal we become, that’s our closest representation in the animal kingdom. That’s what the book said, and I didn’t suck on dirty mandrake juice for a month to get assigned my animal form–because a gryphon would have been sweet, okay? If I had had a choice–”

“So,” Peter quipped, leaning forward on his elbows, “that’s the same thing as the patronus. It makes sense.”

“Bear witness,” James preached, snatching Remus’ quill to raise high like a sword, “on this day, Sirius Orion Black has surpassed all of us in knowledge.”

Remus’ lips gave a quiver at their corners as he glanced at them over the top of his textbook.

“Do you think Moony’s is a werewolf, then?”

“Wormtail, I think Remus would rather have a flobberworm.”

“It’s true,” Moony agreed.

“A cat, then?” James offered. “Or a bear. Something distinctive.”

“Something ‘distinctive’? You mean something flashy.”

“Neither, Sirius,” Remus groaned. His textbook snapped shut and he pressed his cheek into his palm, supporting his head. “I don’t want something flashy, because that’s not who I am. We ought to just forget about it and focus on this assignment.”

“You’re not curious?” Peter asked.

Remus hesitated. “Of course I’m curious, but—we’re going to find out anyway, and it’s not like—,”

“Oh, come on, Moony,” Sirius said, throwing up his hands. “A little conjecture won’t hurt anyone. And I’m sure your patronus will be better than all of ours,” he added with a grin.

“I doubt that,” Remus muttered, and he opened his book to bury himself in text.

Ignoring the other two as they divulged into more laughter, James sat in a contemplative silence. He watched Remus, playing with his bottom lip distractedly as he pondered his next words. “Are you worried about it?”

Remus sighed through his nose, glancing sideways a James. “No,” he started to say, but he could read Prongs’ expression and sighed again. “…Yes. Wouldn’t you be?”

“Why are you worried? Remus, you’re the kindest, most thoughtful person I know. Whatever animal you get will reflect the best parts of you, and I know it will be something you’re going to like. I think it will surprise you.”

“I hope you’re right, James,” Remus said quietly. “But that’s not why I worry.”

“Then what?”

“It’s just–,” Remus started, then stopped. Then started again, only to swallow fiercely. “I don’t want it to be… I don’t think it–… I don’t want it to be related to—it. The less it has to do with it, the better.”

James was silent, fully understanding but lacking in words. So Remus went on.

“Everything about me is dictated by what I am,” he said. “Even my name is wolfish, and that was purely coincidence. It affects every aspect of my life—you three, going to school, and put frankly, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What if? What if this is tainted by it, too? The patronus—your animagus—it’s all a representative of who you are. What if all I am is the monster I become? What if the best of me is nothing more than a wolf?”

“That’s a load of rubbish,” Sirius blurted, and Remus felt his ears go a tad pink as he realized that both he and Peter had stopped their tomfoolery to listen in.

“It really is,” Peter agreed. “You’re the only one I know who stays up studying all night weeks before an exam. Do you remember what you said when I asked you why you hadn’t gone to bed?” Remus shrugged solemnly, but Wormtail paid him no mind. “You said you didn’t want people to think less of you for having poor grades. I know you: you push yourself to be better than what you think you are.”

Remus turned another shade of pink, and it spread across the crests of his cheeks and gave color to his pale complexion.

“Remus,” Sirius started, arms crossed and head tilted, “you’re the brightest bloke I know. You spend all your off-hours helping those first years study when you should be helping us with pranks. The halls aren’t going to fill themselves with dungbombs, you know.” James cast him a look, and he cleared his throat abruptly. “More to the point: you don’t have to help those kids, but you do it because you’re a kind person at heart. That’s what people like about you—and they do talk about you, even if you don’t hear it with your head stuck up your arse. Give yourself more credit.”

“Thanks,” Remus monotoned, cocking a skeptical brow.

“Listen, Moony, whatever you think you are, you should know that you are a hundred times better. I don’t think you understand the impact you have on people, and how important you really are.”

The way James looked at him when he spoke told Remus those words were of utmost importance. Part of him was immediately rejecting each bit of information like a hot coal, but the warmth was burning something cold he kept close to heart. He wanted to flee, but was rooted to the spot.

“If your patronus is a wolf—if it’s anything that you don’t like—there will be a reason. That’s just how this sort of thing works. But, if I know you—and we do—it will be for something that most people can’t see when they look at you. It will be for some quality that you possess in your core that sets you apart as truly unique among us. Something special. And it won’t be because of your Problem, Moony, because that’s not who you are. What you are doesn’t matter, because you’re not a monster. You’re the most human of us, and you try so hard for everything you have. And… yeah,” he finished, rubbing the back of his neck. “You’re not your Problem, Moony. It’s not who you are. Right?”

Remus had gone cherry red now, and his eyes were hidden by his fringe even as he fixated on the pages of his reopened book. “R-right,” he managed. He let out a small laugh, and pretended not to wipe his eyes. “Thanks, guys. I mean it.”

“We know, Moony.” Sirius’ former tone had returned, and that crooked grin that foretold wicked snark had creased his lips. “Someone has to be around to smarten you up.”

“Hardy har,” Remus snorted. “Next time, I want the speeches in writing. If you three put half as much work into your papers as you did just then, you wouldn’t be failing History of Magic.”

Sirius made a face, blowing a loose lock back with his lips. “How can you fail a class where the professor is dead, anyway?”

“Dunno,” Peter shrugged. “I think it’s his voice. He teaches sleeping lessons well.”

“You’re practically top of the class!” Remus stared at James, then Sirius, then back to James. “And Peter, you’re close by me in score. You all have it in you!”

“Yeah,” James agreed, “but it’s more fun to see if he notices paper airplanes through his head.”

“Ohh,” Sirius’ eyes lit up, “we ought to do that this afternoon!”

Remus groaned, and the others laughed. They wouldn’t be doing this much longer anyway: seventh year was swiftly drawing to a close. He would miss this, Remus realized, but not because of school. They already knew what lay ahead: the Order of the Phoenix, as it was called, to help end the dark times overwhelming the newspapers. Remus would miss the carefree life they were leaving behind. He would miss laughing by the Lake and sneaking around after dark, elbowing each other in the ribs to communicate an urgent message. He would miss the comfort of knowing their simplest battles were tests and exams, and that the familiar lifestyle they had come to love would soon be over.

But they were staying together after school. They would face whatever the future held as a group, just like they always had. They were the Marauders, after all. It was a comforting thought. Remus left the troubling thoughts drift into the back of his thoughts. For now, he wanted to enjoy this. For now, he wanted to be free. He wanted to be with his friends, outside of the world that scared him and feared him simultaneously. For now, he wanted to just be.

The last dark thought was drowned in a fit of laughter from another of Sirius’ jokes.


End file.
